After what seemed like the longest week of my life, I received the best news ever. I am CANCER FREE! The phrase still sounds foreign to me. I still can't believe that a week ago, I was having to accept the fact that my life could possibly change in a way that seemed almost surreal. I was consumed with thought of having to explain the situation to my boys. How do you explain all of this to two kids? I had no idea.
I felt like a huge weight was lifted off of me on Thursday when the doctor gave me the news- the cells are abnormal, but not cancerous. I took a deep breath and thanked God for what I had just heard. I had a few moments in this euphoric state before the doctor brought me back to reality. The reality is that these cells have a high probability of becoming cancer, and given the fact that I already had abnormalities at such a young age plus my family history, we knew we needed to start talking about the options available to prevent me from developing breast cancer. She presented me with some options and assured me that I would have all options explained to me in great detail, and arranged for me to meet with a counselor next month. I don't have to make any decisions anytime soon, she said it would be a long process and would require absolute certainty on my end. We spoke of Tamoxifen therapy, which is a medication used as a preventive drug for people who are at an extremely high risk of developing breast cancer. It is also used for women who have had cancer, as a means to lessen their chance of reocurrence. It sounded good in theory, until she explained to me that it wouldn't be like taking antibiotics. The medication has serious risks, it can damage your internal organs and make you extremely sick. It would probably throw my body into early menopause, and has a lot of other serious side effects. Also, it would eliminate the chance of my abnormality becoming cancer by only about 60%. It's better than what I'm at now, so I figured I'd entertain the idea with the counselor when we meet, and take it from there. Her next option, one which I wasn't prepared to hear, was a radical mastectomy with reconstruction. Going by my approximate 'at risk score' of about 70%, she felt this is the option I really needed to think about. This is the only 100% way to ensure my boys will NEVER lose their mommy to breast cancer, when so far, the odds aren't in her favor. They would remove all of my breast tissue and then reconstruct my breasts with implants and skin from other areas. My concern was that if they reconstructed my breasts, how would I no longer be at risk? She explained to me that since there wouldn't be any breast tissue left, my new breasts wouldn't be "breasts" like I thought. There would be 0% chance I'd ever develop breast cancer since all the "real" breast tissue would be gone.
To me, the decision is made. I want to be here with my boys for as long as possible. If there is a way to ensure that, I am doing it. I do understand that you can't make a decision like this in a few days. I will be speaking to a counselor and then having the breast surgeon perform the Breast MRI to see if there are any changes. I know there's going to be a lot of uncertainty, but the one thing that remains consistent for me is that if there is something I can do to ensure I can be here with the two most important people in my life, I'm going to do it. I owe it to them and to myself. Our goal is to decide what option is best for us, and put it in the works by the end of the summer. For now, I am going to continue being thankful that I am well, and I keep an open mind. I am so thankful for all the support of my friends and family. When the time comes, I will make the best decision for myself and for my loved ones. The best gift I can give to my family is to be here for them as long as possible.
